Over the past few days I have been spending time specifically in prayer over my unexplained emotions. For the past few weeks I have found myself grouchy, grumpy, tearful, & with little patience for others. Even though my heart is full of joy and happiness, and I feel blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined, I have still felt emotionally crummy. So for several days I have been seeking God, pleading for him to reveal my weakness, asking for him to fill the void I have been feeling, and to just pull me out of the funk I am in. It's amazing what God can reveal to you when you simply ASK! So, while spending sweet time with my El-Elyon (Lord Most High) he spoke into my heart. What I didn't realize was that I was actually grieving. Thrilled for the new journey he has taken our family on, but grieving over the ones that (I) left behind:( You see, once you have spent weeks visiting an orphanage and seeing so many little ones desperate to call you Mama, your heart can NEVER be the same. Yes, I know that (I) can not save them ALL. It's about saving the world of that ONE orphan. But when those little ones longingly look into your eyes, reach for you to pick them up and then snuggle into your arms like it's the first time they've been held, (for some it is the first time) you heart aches and you start thinking about how quickly you can come back to get them. People ask all the time, "how did you find the boys?" The chain of events that lead us to our boys is long and sweet, but the reality is God lead me to Charlie & then used His other children to speak to both of our hearts, and we knew that God meant for these two orphans to be OURS! God Rocked our world in a totally radical way & we are forever grateful. BUT... what about Anton & Sergey & Pasha & Ivan &, &, &... and the other's that I couldn't bring home with me. My heart grieves to think that those little ones will soon be moved to an institution where they will live out their short little lives, all because (I) couldn't bring them home:( See, that's where your heart dwells when you leave them behind, that's why so many of us grieve after adoption, and that's why so many of us advocate, post pictures, and beg & plead for other families to bring these children HOME! No more, "We would love to adopt", or "I have always wanted to adopt", "It's just not a good time", etc, etc. Just DO IT! And if your circumstances will not allow you to adopt you can make a HUGE difference by advocating, donating and praying for God's children to all have a loving family. What's keeping you from stepping out in faith?
“I do not have clarity, what I have is trust. I will pray that you can learn to trust God every day. He will show you what to do each step of the way.” ~Mother Teresa
Today I am humbled that God has given me every emotion I have felt over the past year. And grateful that he has brought me to this point where I can continue to make a difference in the lives of orphans. Thank you God for choosing to adopt ME:)
"He hears the cries of the orphan." ~Exodus 22:22-24
"Religion that our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." ~James 1:27
"He blesses those who provide for the orphan." ~Deut 14:29
"For when I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." ~Matt 25:35-36